I Was Never Meant to Love Halfway

I think my biggest curse is being able to feel and love so deeply.

Now don’t get me wrong—I don’t feel that way about everyone. Only those I allow into my inner being. The ones I trust enough to see the worst parts of me and still love me anyway. The ones who get to see the good and the broken. The strength and the exhaustion.

When I allow someone to access that side of me, it’s a big deal. I don’t let just anyone in. You have to be special. You have to leave a mark that stays with me. You have to stir my thoughts, my spirit, my motivation.

But if I’m honest, in the past I’ve allowed access to people who never deserved it.

I ignored my own discernment.
I ignored the quiet voice inside me that was trying to warn me.

Those were painful lessons—but necessary ones.

And strangely enough, I’m thankful for them. They reminded me that not everyone deserves access to my heart, my loyalty, or the depth of love I carry inside of me. What I give is rare, and it should be protected.

Recently, life has changed me in ways I didn’t expect.

There was a time when I could stay numb. Nothing really touched me. I built walls so high that nothing could get through them. I thought that made me strong.

But now… it’s like the walls are gone.

Now I feel everything.

And honestly, sometimes I feel like a big crybaby. But maybe it’s not weakness. Maybe it’s just what happens when a heart finally starts living again.

When I love someone deeply, their peace matters to me. Their happiness matters to me. And when I sense that something isn’t right in their world, it shakes me in ways I can’t always explain.

Because when you love deeply… you feel deeply.

And sometimes that kind of heart feels like both a blessing and a curse.

But if I had to choose between feeling nothing and loving with everything in me…

I’ll take the curse.

So yes, my heart loves deeper than most people are comfortable with.
And maybe that has been my greatest pain in this life.
But I would rather carry a heart that feels everything…
than live with one that feels nothing at all.